So, what is it like to have a nine-week-old?  You may not have asked, but I’ma tell you.  Hmmm…let’s start with the simple things.

First, imagine yourself nestled in a warm, fuzzy cloud, kissing a cashmere pillow case stuffed full of luscious, smooth angel asses.  That is what it’s like to kiss his cheeks.  Now that he is holding his head up fairly well, he bobs it from side to side looking at all of his surroundings, and each time a cheek goes by my nose, I steal a kiss.  I want to bite them and chew them like a piece of bubblicious bubble gum.  Yum.

I must say, I loved him before (as I’ve probably said on here too many times now), but the older he gets, the cooler he gets.  I had no idea a two-month-old baby could be so much fun!  He really tries to chatter now, and smiles on cue a bit better.  Before it was a smile or two in the morning, during diaper changes, etc.  He may hear my voice squeaking out my latest baby-talk gossip and coo.  Now, however, he smiles when you do things like pretend to eat his neck, or make a big production of kissing him on the lips.  He sits up, looks around, and is starting to grab things.  He gets pissed off when he can’t figure out how to unfurl his chubby fingers all the way and just grab the damn [fill in object] already.

I’m even beginning to feel better about returning to work, and taking him to the daycare.  I am trying really hard to have the mindset that, it’s a fact of life – I can’t change it;  therefore, what’s the point of being upset about it?  I may as well make the best of it and see the positives:

1) No T.V. at daycare.  With numerous studies citing the detriment of background television on infant development, this is a major plus, right?  Especially since (even though I’ve read about said studies) I continue to watch T.V. several hours a day.  I do have it off quite a bit, and mute all commercials, but still…  I’m not Mary Poppins.

2) The daycare building has PIN code access requirements, in addition to another PIN required to check kids in/out.  Furthermore, a big screen of circuit camera shots from every room in the daycare greets you right as you walk in.  The security system in our home consists of a deadbolt from the 80’s on a wooden door that is warped, a screen door that we lock for no reason since there is a big hole in the screen where you can stick your hand in, and a furr-ocious dog who, look out!, will shed fur all over the perpetrators!  Ok, it’s not that bad, but you get the point.  *Note: don’t think of breaking in after reading this.  This account is highly exaggerated.  Chloe will rip your face off, hack it up, and eat it again.  Got it?

3) The staff at the daycare all have degrees in Early Childhood Development and are first-aid and CPR certified.  Just to give you a clue about what my poor baby must deal with in our house…

Me: “You know I should probably take that infant CPR class.  I should probably have mom take it too.”

Nick: “Yeah.”

Me: “I guess I just figure if something happens I can look up infant CPR on YouTube.  Remind me to do that.”

4) Everything is scheduled and routine at the daycare.  You issue the feeding plan – they do it.  You must have a doctor’s note for Desitin, or anything applied to baby butts, and diaper changes are scheduled as well.  If you know me, you know I love a good itinerary – something that the boy doesn’t have much of here.  A boob here, a boob there, a diaper change here or there, meh.  Rainbow will whip us into shape – before long we’ll be yelling “Atten-hut!  Forward march!” as we head out the door in our matching dress whites.

5) The building is extremely clean.  They don’t even allow shoes in the infant rooms.  You have to wear booties or take your shoes off.  The parking lot is pristine with no curb weeds.  I realize this isn’t exactly important to my child’s safety, but it’s a personal preference I must note.  Our home, by comparison, is full of dog hair, pet dander, and probably traces of goose poop from our shoes which walk the damn dog in the park daily – a park full of geese.  And their poop.  Don’t worry – it’s only occasionally that Chloe will try to eat one of the goose-sicles, and she doesn’t lick people.  She only sniffs ’em.

6) He’ll only be about 1.5 minutes away from where I work, driving.  Worst case scenario – my car is vandalized beyond use – I could probably sprint there in 10 minutes.  In my current shape, where sprinting for 10 minutes is definitely not an option, I’m positive I could at least make it there alternating walking with jogging in 20 minutes flat – especially with a Starbucks right there on the corner to help motivate me.

Yeah (sigh), the daycare reminds me a lot of Sunnyside (Toy Story 3 reference – if you don’t know it, you’re reeeeally dumb for not having watched the movie.  It’s brilliant.)  If I recall, I think the rooms even have cute names there – just like Sunnyside.  Someday too soon, my Bubbalooshki Bear will be big enough to make it to the Butterfly room.