Incredulous Tip #10: Wish Upon a Star

Soooo, I’m kind of tired of waiting for this thing to go down.  I know my due date isn’t until Saturday, but all of this mention of “lots of head pressure” from the doc and nurse practitioner really has my hopes up that something might happen early.  To make matters worse, my doc is out of town next week, so if I can’t get things going this week, a strange man-doctor will deliver my baby.  (When I say strange, I mean he’s a stranger, not that he is a weirdo.  I wouldn’t let a weirdo deliver my baby.  Except for maybe Russell Brand…just for giggles.)

On the plus side, wee Will has been super active.  A little foot pokes out of my right side about ever half-hour.  He’s constantly writhing around in there.  I’m convinced he’s trying desperately to find a way out.  In fact, I can’t help but picture him like a mini-MacGyver in there:

MacGyver Series Remake: Episode 1:The Escape


SCENE 1:

Bubbalooshki Bear/MacGyver’s brow furrows in acute concentration.  The dark gooey walls are pressing in on him.  He looks desperately from side to side…

Bubbalooshki Bear/MacGyver: “If I can hook my big toe around that thick rope-like membrane attached to my tummy, I’m sure I can create enough inertia to propel myself in a southerly direction!”

Tries. Is stopped by an impenetrable membrane.

Bubbalooshki Bear/MacGyver: “Damn! I have to get this fluid out of here!  If only I had two paper clips and a rubber band…”

END SCENE


You get the picture.  

I’m not sure whose fault it is.  Is it the baby’s fault that he can’t work out this puzzle?  Or is it my body’s stubbornness, failing to heed the frenzied kicks and punches of its captive?  I’m convinced that if I just think about it hard enough, then the old “mind-over-matter” method will prevail.  I have moved the event from Saturday to Friday in both of my work calendars just in case.  I informed my doctor of my plans, and she said, “Let me know how that works out for ya.”  I took that to mean that she’s not a believer.

For my part, I’ve seen enough Disney movies to know that things will end well…you just have to believe.  (Unless you’re watching “Bridge to Terabithia.”  Disney kind of deviated from the formula there.  You’ve been warned.)  So that is why tonight, during the full moon that is reported to occur, I will be clapping my hands, telling the night that “I do believe in fairies (and early contractions that lead to labor),” wishing on the wishing star, all while bouncing vigorously up and down on my big exercise ball.  

I’ll let ya know how that works out.

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